I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
