mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
