Buhtt sex?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
