SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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