And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
