I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
