so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
