Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize