you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
