Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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