Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
