how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize