Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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