DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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