Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
