I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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