Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
