I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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