Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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