So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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