She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
