the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
