Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
