1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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