She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
