I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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