I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
