And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
