marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Me too!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i dont even know how to be here
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
