Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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