My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
