i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
