i barfeds in our rink
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
