i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
