you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
