haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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