It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
