Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
