you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
