i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
