Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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