So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
