Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize