you traded sex for a burrito?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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