i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
