Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
