i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
