he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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