please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
