Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
