my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
