This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My ass is underappreciated
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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