When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
