my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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