part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
