I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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