but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
