You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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