So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
