Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
