well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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