Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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