just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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