All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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