I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
