There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
