A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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