trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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