I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
