she was so not down for the gang bang
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the condom got lost in my hair
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
