I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
