The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
