I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
