So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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