i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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