You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
