High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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