the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
